Paul Lee
My names’ Paul Lee and I’m from Oldham.
I was a fairly reasonable student at school up until I was about fourteen. My mum and dad were having a bit of marital strife, my dad took to the drink and suddenly this normal, happy home became a really unpleasant environment to be in. I think as a result of that and in true adolescent, melodramatic fashion, I suddenly felt like nobody seemed interested in me anymore.
My school work went completely downhill. So I knew I’d leave school with no qualifications. I passed one in Art. If I wanted to do something, I wanted to try and get a trade at least rather than a dead end job I a factory. There was a job for building trades and there was one for bricklaying so I thought I won’t need any school qualifications for that so that was the one I went for.
Ed Melia
And what was that like, when you started that?
Paul Lee
Going in the job it was great. I did a few years, but as I started to get more and more into the job, I became more and more disgruntled with it – it wasn’t challenging me intellectually. I’m not knocking the job – it’s a good valuable job (it’s certainly hard work). I’d also started to drink a lot. I’d been working about eleven years when I started having these back problems. Having a bad back from time to time is just an occupational hazard. I didn’t really think that much of it. What I should have done with hindsight is gone to the doctors straight away and got it sorted (or maybe not so, otherwise I wouldn’t be were I am today) .
For the next two years I was in and out of work, and then it got to the end of 2001, and I had to finish work full stop.
Ed Melia
Coming to that decision where you say I’ve got to stop work, what’s that like going through that?
Paul Lee
At the time it was horrendous, because that was my income - my job. I didn’t know how to do anything else. I didn’t have any other qualifications, so it was awful. So then I’m out of work; I’m drinking more and more. Anyway I got so low (I mean I was literally suicidal). I went through that for a while and then I thought “This is no good, I need to sort my head out”. I went to the doctors and I had a heart to heart with him, I got a bit upset and he put me on antidepressants. I was on the tablets until the end of 2003. I felt in my mind that I was OK. I was still quite low on my confidence, because I had turned thirty and I was back at my mum’s and I wasn’t working or doing anything. I just didn’t have that bit of confidence to drag myself out of the rut I’d started to go into.
Ed Melia
Where did you find that from? What was the thing that made you move on?
Paul Lee
Astonishingly, the event that made me realise, was the death of my father. That was what managed to give me the kick up the backside that I needed. That was the beginning of 2006. He became ill at the end of 2004, and all 2005 I spent running my mum to the hospital and back. Anyway, he died in February 2006 and of course at first I was just grieving, but in the summertime, I thought “right I need to do something now”.
I’d been talking to people and they’d been saying that there’s a shortage of teachers and that I should go back to college, get some qualifications, so I though “Yeah, that seems ok”.
So this is the sort of idea I had in mind when I went up to my local careers office. I had a chat with the girl there, and she went onto the computer and had a look at the sort of courses you can do and Hopwood Hall was one of them. This Access to Higher Education course. The first year of which, involved getting the GCSE’s that I’d never got first time around.
Ed Melia
What’s was it like on your first day coming in here?
Paul Lee
Nerve-racking. Terribly nerve-racking. I remember putting my hand up in some of the lessons we were having and then going to ask the question and my voice was literally trembling. I was so low on confidence as when you’re not working, you’re never getting out, you’re not socialising anymore (because you haven’t got the money to do that anyway). Just the whole aspect of being in a social setting was really nerve-racking for me. Being on the course has allowed me to overcome that and that in itself, regardless of the success I’ve had with my studies. I’d easily give up all that and just have what I’ve gained as a person.
Ed Melia
What did you actually learn?
Paul Lee
English, Maths, Science, History and Law. I found them all great. I really got into it straight away, from the off. I just really enjoyed it. I very, very quickly came to the realisation that this is what I should have done first time around. I just had this overwhelming sense of catching up for lost time.
Ed Melia
How did you get on in your GCSE’s
Paul Lee
Very well. I got A-star for all five subjects. I was hoping to do well but of course I didn’t expect to do that well.
Ed Melia
Do you remember getting the results and what it was like when you found out?
Paul Lee
Yeah, It was fantastic, but a bit surreal as well. When I opened that packet and I saw all the A-stars, the shock of it sent me into a bit of a daze. I was just wandering about from room to room, and then not knowing why I’d gone into one room or the other. I was in a compete stupor.
Ed Melia
What happened next? What happened after you got these 5 A-stars?
Paul Lee
I just continued with my studies essentially. People were deciding which sort of university they wanted to go to. I’d developed a real passion for history. By this time I’d dismissed the idea of teaching. I was just enjoying study that much. All I wanted to do, well all I still want to do, is pursue my studies as far as I can go.
I figured that I’d probably just apply to Manchester University. Anyway, Ken approached me and he said “Have you not thought of applying to Oxford or Cambridge?”, and I said “No, why would I consider applying there?”, but he said “well you’ve done so well in your exams and with you being an adult learner, these sort of universities, they like to include people from all walks of life. You know, you could be in with a really good chance. You want to go for it.”. I thought “Here’s me – an ex-bricklayer, from Oldham, am I really going to fit in somewhere like Cambridge?” But then I thought “well what a fantastic opportunity it’s going to be”.
I made all the relevant enquiries, filled in the applications forms and got an interview. It’s quite an intensive process – there’s an exam and there were two interviews. After I’d completed this essay (which wasn’t too bad), I had this subject-specific interview. I was being grilled about all these periods of history that I know a little about but didn’t know half as much depth as the interviewer seemed to want from me. I came away from that feeling absolutely terrible - I thought there’s no chance I’ve got in here. I came back and did the second interview and that went really well though. When I came away I was in two minds as to whether it went one way or the other. Anyway, nevertheless, at New Year I got the letter offering me a place and I figured that those at the second interview put forward a good argument for me. It’s hard to describe what it felt like getting that letter. You are just in a daze at first.
Ed Melia
(Laughing) How many rooms did you walk into when you got that letter?
Paul Lee
(Laughs) Again, I was just wandering about. My mum works at the local superstore. I went over and told her that I’d got this letter and that I’d got in and mum went “wooooooohooooooo!” and she put her arms around me.
The transformation in my life is just unbelievable. In the space of two years I’ve come back to college – before that turning point when I was fourteen – that’s who’ve I’ve gone back to. That person who did like studying. That person after fourteen who didn’t give a damn about anything – just always going out and getting outrageously drunk and making a fool of himself – that wasn’t me. It was some sort of front I’d put up to try and protect myself. It’s just so unbelievable, I can’t describe it. And to think four years ago I was almost suicidal, on medication for depression, so it’s just a bizarre journey.
Ed Melia
And how happy are you that you got a bad back in the first place?
Paul Lee
Well, I mean that’s the surprising thing, because ultimately, an incident that I thought had ruined my life, has turned out to be probably the best thing that ever happened to me (although I probably don’t think that at 3a.m. in the morning when I’m waking up again with my back still aching and not managing to get a proper nights sleep.)